Monday, May 21, 2007

Releasing the Fear...

(I know this subject may seem cliche, but perhaps my writing this will help my personal effort to "travel light").

As I walked to work last week I had a million thoughts running through my head as I listened to some STS9 spin through my headphones.

One of the strongest thoughts was about fear. What is this fear? Well, for starters, it boils down simply to the fear of some unknown future. Fear that the actions I'm taking now will have a variety of consequences in the future which I will not be happy with. I don't want to ever regret anything I've done, nor do I want to regret things I didn't do. It is here that lies the gray area and my fear.

I realized (and perhaps have known this but was suppressing it) that maybe I am acting out of fear...I get up everyday, drink my green tea, and go to work at my regular 9-5 job (which I enjoy, don't get me wrong) and keep PinkBird Creations as a sort of "side job." But, basically, I'm working two full-time jobs, since PinkBird does take a great deal of time and energy. I think my fear is that my artistry cannot sustain me. (Or that I want it to as there are so many things in life I want/love to do).

As I walked, I passed the river that flows behind my house and I admired all the fresh growth along it's banks--all the beautiful green leaves and wildflowers. It wast then that I told myself what I must do. Release the Fear. But how? I contemplated this for awhile that day, and even mentioned it to some co-workers. I did feel a bit lighter after talking about it and after "release the fear" had been running like a mantra through my brain.

I know that in the end things will all be worked out the way the Universe has planned. I know that I will be able to distinguish between what I have become used to and what I actually want to do. As Paulo Coelho said so simply in The Alchemist, "When you want something, all the universe conspires in helping you to achieve it..."

Then, on Saturday I posted a blog to which "OmGirly" commented--causing me to read her blog. To my surprise she was discussing a similar fear issue. Her suggestion is to let her fear guide her. That makes so much sense to me.

Maybe it's not so much about "releasing" the fear but in "using" it. (Not to be confused with being motivated by fear). Using all the fear up could be the same as releasing it.
When it's gone, it's gone, no matter which way it went.