Wednesday, August 15, 2007

Revisiting the Fear....

Today I am releasing The Fear. Again. And, I'm OK with this. It is different this time though, I swear. A few weeks ago I resigned from my 9 to 5 job and have been doing PinkBird Creations full time and wholeheartedly since. It's brilliant. I get up at the same time I used to and instead of "going" to work, I "get" to work. I get to create little works of art that make me happy; things that I then get to share with other people and make them happy.

A friend of mine recently found time to read all of my blog posts in one sitting and found my post about releasing the fear to be very universal (as she works in a field much different than I). Perhaps it's conditioning or upbringing or experiences that sometimes make us to afraid to seek our dreams. Maybe it's those things that keep us from even realizing our dreams have changed since we went to college or never were real to begin with. What if we aren't living our potential because we were taught, somewhere along the way, to believe we couldn't. What if we are only doing what we've been told is the "rational" or "responsible" thing to do. (Although doing something everyday of your life, like work in a career you don't enjoy, doesn't seem very responsible).

The other side of this is the fear of failure or of falling. What if we do follow our hearts and try to live out our dreams and fail? What if I don't make it? What if I fall? The fear of falling is a very big fear; especially after you take a giant leap expecting to land. My friend commented, "I believe that [it] is simply the difference between toeing the water and jumping in. If I would have jumped in a long time ago, I believe my life would be worlds different. " I think the same could be said for most people. Jumping in is very scary. There are so many "what if's" that I wouldn't even know where to begin.

So, today is the day I jump in! And, let me tell you: it was not an easy decision and there were some roadblocks and I definitely cried today when it seemed that it might not work out--but I think it has.

Today is the day that I quiet the voice in the back of my mind that tells me to "play it safe," the voice that says stay in the boat or on the dock. Today I get up off the beach and dive head first into the biggest wave. I will listen to my intuition. So I'll have to be living in the moment. The only voices I will “shhh” are the ones of doubt, insecurity and intimidation. It's so scary that I get goosebumps and I don't want to think about it...Ahhh, goosebumps. How telling are those? My body knows the answer before I realize it. My body is me showing me that I have the energy for undertaking my dreams. Goosebumps are chilling in a way that forces you to move. Rather than running away I will run with my arms open toward what I probably always knew was the right path. These are the omens we deny ourselves everyday. This is my Personal Legend that I have been too afraid to face. Failure be damned, I've known how to swim my whole life.